Recently I have put some deep consideration into who I desire to be, and how I want to portray myself. The night before I left for West Virginia, I went over to My best friend's house ( Hannah Lang), and we sat at her dining room table til the crack of dawn talking. It suddenly struck me what my problem has been all this time:
Problem: AS I WENT ABOUT MY LIFE I WAS SIMPLY TRYING “NOT TO SIN.” I WAS SO CONCERNED ABOUT “SIN”AS A UNIT THAT I FELT IF I PARTAKED IN ANYTHING OF THE WORLD THEN IT WOULD BE SINFUL.
So I altered my way of thinking and came up with this...
Solution: MAYBE IF I STOP FOCUSING ON “NOT SINNING” AND START MAKING A DILEBERATE EFFORT TO LOVE THE LORD, THEN I WILL HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD.
I gave my self a goal: TO READ THE WHOLE CHAPTER OF EXODUS IN THE BIBLE AND JOURNAL ABOUT IT BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS.
My intentions were to learn how to love the Lord, and that’s exactly what I did.
I started spending hours reading, writing, highlighting and comprehending the chapter Exodus. I found myself thriving in the word of God. It was the center of attention and excitement of my day, I couldn’t wait to get to a coffee shop and start studying. The greatest part about reading Exodus was that I could now understand people when they spoke about Moses, The Ten Commandments, and the escape of the Israelites from Egypt. I felt like I could finally join in on their conversations. I had never known anything about these stories until I made the conscious goal and effort to learn for myself.
Let me share one of my favorite passages in Exodus: When Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt he had such a courageous attitude and a forceful hand, but there were many instances when Moses expressed his lack of confidence as a leader. He frequently cried out to the Lord for guidance, he said to the Lord “You have been telling me lead these people, but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said I know you by name and you have found favor with me. If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”
And The Lord simply replied “ My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest”
This passage really spoke to me, because I have found myself numerous times crying out to the Lord to just give me a friend to walk the same path with me, and love God in the way I do. I have cried out to him to give me a sense of direction and guidance that I can follow. This passage was like a answer to my prayers. It was as if God was telling me “Natalie don’t worry about the friends, don’t worry about the path, Just love me ( the Lord) and walk a path that resembles your love for me ( the Lord), and you will attract the friends that you are longing to have. Also please Stop worrying about your direction because my presence is with you every step of the way. What more could you ask for? Now rest your mind”
This has given me a sense of confidence in the Lord, and has allowed me to set my worries aside. I realized that Sin cant win me over, and it cant consume my mind. I am no longer trying to overcome sin, but I am simply trying to reach Love. And I will continue to learn how to love the Lord and his people whole heartily.
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